There are myriad ways church hurt happens, but they come primarily through the general categories of systems, people, and toxic theology.

Systemic Problems

Chuck DeGroat in his book When Narcissism Comes to Church talks about the systems around a toxic leader. For a narcissistic leader to gain power and control and then enact pain, they must have others around them who will uphold the structure that makes their abuse possible. DeGroat believes there are two systems that support that kind of toxic structure—the “grandiose” narcissistic system and the “vulnerable” narcissistic system. In the first, the church or ministry praises and supports the ministry as particularly exceptional. He writes, “Disconnected from the reality of the system’s dysfunction or narcissistic sepsis, the members collude in a collective act of glancing lovingly into the pool of water that reflects back to the ideal image, just as a narcissistic pastor might.” Those in the second system, however, “while not as blatantly arrogant, display a quiet self–righteousness that is just as troublesome as grandiose systems. In some ways, they can be more resistant to change than the grandiose system. The rigid belief systems and arrogant certainty of a vulnerable system often demand a high level of allegiance along with painful consequences for those who leave the system.” In other words, whether the system is overtly narcissistic (“Look how amazing we are”) or subtly narcissistic (“Look how theologically right we are”), they both tend to exist to protect a leader’s ego and both serve and preserve the system. While the guilt for abuse always lies with the abusive person, unhealthy systems can be powerful tools for those people to perpetuate their abuse.

Similarly, a toxic system doesn’t exist to help its members flourish—it lives to protect itself at any cost. Its reputation must be managed; dissenters must be quashed; and, any bad press must be managed. I heard of a prominent church who hired five full time employees (this when they were laying off long–term employees) whose sole job was to scrub negative comments from the internet and make sure any bad press went to die on the latter pages of a Google search. So if you searched a current scandal, you’d have to do some significant digging to find it.

In a system like this, abuse of power often causes deep wounds in congregants and followers. The leader begins to feel like their way is the only way to grow a church or bring it into the next successful season. They cannot tolerate dissent. So they surround themselves with yes people who never raise a question. Some churches have even created special cheering sections right in front so the pastor can experience only positivity from the congregation. Some people (particularly children) have been forcibly escorted out of those special cheering sections so they wouldn’t be a distraction to the leader. If a leader holds all the power and has no one willing to tell them the truth about their actions, theology, practices, and leadership, the leader can more easily abuse those beneath them on the organizational chart, including volunteers.

People Problems

Church hurt inevitably comes from individual people. Of course this makes sense. Systems are made up of folks—and we’re all beset with sin from birth. It’s no wonder we experience pain from others. How does this happen?

One factor influencing people–inaugurated pain is spiritual pride. When people are more like the Pharisee than the tax–collector in Jesus’s parable (See Luke 18:9–14), many suffer from comparison. The Pharisee didn’t pray; instead he thanked God that he wasn’t like the other sinners. Spiritual pride empowers people to categorize others into insiders and outsiders. It puffs up the “important” individual while denigrating others, causing dehumanization. If someone can believe another to be “less than,” it becomes easy to malign, dismiss, or ignore those deemed so.

Immaturity also contributes to people harming others. The immature believer hasn’t tested her patience muscle—she tends to be reactionary, quick to anger, and self–focused. This is precisely why we are warned not to give a new believer leadership responsibility. “A church leader must not be a new believer, because he might become proud, and the devil would cause him to fall” (1 Timothy 3:6).

Last, when a person doesn’t pursue healing, they risk injuring others from their wellspring of unresolved hurt. One of the best gifts we can give another in community is to pursue our own healing.

Toxic Theological Problems

Leaders can be naïve, dismissing the very real enemy of our souls and the nature of evil. We forget 1 Peter 5:8: “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” If they dismiss evil, they’ll become lackadaisical toward predators, narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths, not protecting the flock from their nefarious influence.

A lack of biblical literacy can often create an opening for suffering spiritual abuse. Why? Because if the congregation is ignorant of biblical teaching—particularly if they feel insecure—they can absorb without discernment what their spiritual authority is teaching, even if it doesn’t square with scripture. If the congregant leaves, they then must disentangle what is true from what has been taught, sometimes causing them to question their faith.