Chapter 6
The Process Of Restoration
In the popular movie Back To The Future, George McFly spent his entire youth being bullied by Biff. As an adult, he continued to allow himself to be a walking punching bag— and punchline—to those he knew. When asked why he submitted to such abuse, George meekly responded, “I can’t stand confrontation.”
Very few people can. There are not many people who enjoy confrontation. It is just plain hard.
In spite of that, confrontation is absolutely necessary to a scriptural process of correction and restoration. When there has been a profound betrayal of trust, there must be a willingness to lovingly confront. We cannot afford to pass lightly over the important issues of confession of wrong, sincere regret, acknowledgment of the need for forgiveness, a desire to change, and specific steps to begin carrying out that change.
What does the process of restoration look like?
Step 1:We Must Love Enough To Take A Risk. The process will not be easy. It will require the assistance of wise, loving, and courageous people—people willing to risk getting involved. It also requires that we surrender our will to the timing and work of the Holy Spirit.
Step 2:We Must Care Enough To Test The Heart. Sincere forgiveness (as we have described it) is a response to the apology of wrongdoers and their longing for a renewed relationship.
Healthy forgiveness also involves forsaking all six areas of denial (see pages 12-18). It acknowledges the wrong and our own natural desire for revenge, and then turns that longing over to God and replaces it with loving concern for what is best for all.
Sincere forgiveness is willing to enter into a process of correction for the wrongdoer as long as it does not give that person the opportunity to perpetuate the wrong.
Step 3:We Must Be Obedient Enough To Follow The Biblical Pattern. When denial in all its forms is forsaken, and vengeance has been replaced by love, forgiveness and apologies can begin to be genuine and meaningful. This then leads to church and family discipline, which, when done scripturally, is an act of love and concern for the wrongdoer.
Jesus Christ, the Head of the church, described His pattern for correction in Matthew 18:15-17.
If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that “every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.” If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
This process is designed primarily to restore the wrongdoer in the following three areas:
• First, to full fellowship within a local body of believers.
• Second, to his or her immediate family.
• Third, and most important, to a right relationship with Christ.
These are ultimate goals, not short-term Band-Aids. A restored relationship with those who have wounded us is possible, but it can only be achieved by a love that is faithful enough to apply the wisdom of the Bible to the hearts of those who hurt others.
Step 4:We Must Be Committed Enough To Maintain Accountability. Those who are the subject of a restoration process need to be willing to be accountable to someone over them.
No plan or process provides an absolutely sure way to get someone back on the path of spiritual growth and ethical living. Nor can we assure the restoration of broken and hurting relationships. We can only provide a means by which we can begin to move toward these ends under the leading of the Holy Spirit. It is as much a spiritual journey for those doing the correction as it is for the one being restored.
The pattern is clear: Real love longs for the betterment of another person. This causes a person to care enough to get involved in practicing Christ’s process of correction and then holding the wrongdoer accountable for future choices. Suddenly, there is the opportunity for what has been broken to be made whole.
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